I have a friend. Let's call her Julie. Julie is in her late 20s, and married with 3 kids. We're a bit apart in age, but really close, I've known her for along time. Julie really is a good person, so try not to judge her based on what I'm going to tell you.
Last week, Julie had sex with another man. She was with someone other than her husband for the first time in 7 years. It was an ex boyfriend she found on myspace.
I'll give you a little back story. Around Christmas time, Julie started to get pretty depressed. She feels like her life has passed her by, and she hasn't accomplished enough, and her standard of living isn't where she would like it to be. Her husband doesn't communicate much, and is pretty angry all the time. He says horrible things to her, complains about the money she spends, and says she should get a job, and says there is no reason for her to get clothes and shoes, because she doesn't leave the house.
He berates her constantly about how his life is horrible because he never sees his friends, never has any money, and she won't have sex with him anymore. He blames everything on her, and constantly throws everything in her face whenever he's had a bad day. She feels unnappreciated, unloved, and losing hope. So who could blame her for wanting some kind of escape?
A cry for help
She sat down one day and logged into her myspace, and went to her old high school section and browsed around. She found an old boyfriend she'd almost forgotten about, and decided to message him. Thats how it started. She says the first message was fairly innocuous, just a "hi how is your life" type of thing. But the conversation slowly took a turn down a different path, and got a little racier.
She admits the danger of it all excited her, she knew she shouldn't be doing this, but it felt good. She felt like someone wanted her again, someone cared. Her ex was single, and she joked about leaving her husband for him, and other flirty and steamy messages. But she soon broke it off, mostly out of guilt. She felt like she was letting her kids down, and wondered what people would think if they knew she was talking to an ex-boyfriend on myspace.
The levy breaks
Then a couple weeks ago, she changed her mind. After spending a couple months wondering what might have been, she couldn't take it anymore. She messaged her ex again, and told him she missed him, and wanted to see him again. The excitement ran through her veins like a drug. She was so nervous, but so excited. She made her plans. Her ex was excited too, and started thinking of ways they could get together. He was only about 20 miles away, so she thought she could pull it off.
Julie planned a "girls night out" with some friends. She called a few of them (myself included) and told us about her plans to meet another man, and asked if we would vouch for her, and go along with the story. I really didn't want to do it, but I know she needed some kind of break from her daily monotony, and her husband is a jerk, so I said yes. She told us "don't worry, I'm not going to sleep with him or anything, I just want to go out and have some fun".
The act of betrayal
He didn't have a car, so she agreed to pick him up at his place. When she arrived he asked if she'd like him to "show her around the apartment", and she went inside with him. According to her, within five minutes they were naked on his living room floor having wild, passionate sex. She was in complete control and knew what she was doing. She wasnt forced, coerced, or taken advantage of. And she loved every minute of it.
They went out to a bar for some drinks and dancing. She met a few chicks there, and french kissed one in front of him, just to turn him on. She felt like a wild animal being let out of her cage. They pounded down drinks and went wild for a few hours, having the time of her life. After leaving the bar, they never even made it out of the parking lot, and were having sex in her car. They made it back to his place, and spent another hour or so having wild, drunken sex, doing things she'd never done with her husband, and just letting herself go free. She decided to stay the night.
The next morning
Most of you girls reading this know the "walk of shame". The next morning, you are sobered up, needing a shower, and you just want to gather your things and get out. This goes for any one night stand or one time cheating scenario. But for her it wasn't as bad. She felt no regrets, and just wanted to leave mostly because her husband and kids would wonder where she was. She packed up about 7am and headed home.
She called me, and we went out for coffee and she told me the whole thing. We concocted a quick story about what happened, and how she fell asleep at my place. She headed home, with a smile on her face, a spring in her step, and not a single regret.
The moral of the story.
The reason I'm telling you this, is so people can see the other side of the story. You see things in the news and likely in your circle of friends about women cheating with people they meet on myspace. You hear stories about women leaving their families for ex boyfriends or people they meet, and people are quick to give them the scarlet letter, and condemn them for it. But this story is a real story about real human being with needs and feelings too.
She's unhappy, and really should pursue marriage counseling, or consider a divorce. She did something wrong, but it's easy to understand her reasoning. It's hard to take sides and assign blame, but one thing is clear: you can't blame myspace for this.
What do you think? Email onehonestchick [at] gmail.com